Why I Never Win at Scrabble

Source: xkcd

Point, Counterpoint

Look who's behind the 8-ball now.

When Life Gives You Lemmings, Make Lemmingade

Listen to this ridiculous, scare tactic ad urging people to vote "yes" on Prop 8.

The little girl tells her mom that today in school she learned that a prince can marry a prince and that she can marry a princess.

Trust me, kid, you don't want to marry a princess. It's way more work than you realize.

Walk Softly and Carry a Big Sign

So I put a big "NO on 8" sign in my window on Monday. Friends have suggested I confront my neighbors, but I don't want to argue with them, I'd rather have an intelligent debate.

But their lifestyle is based on the Bible, and I'm sure they'd just use 5,000-year-old Leviticus 18:22 as the rationalization for their position on Prop 8.

It's like I'm a Mac and they're the Rosetta Stone.

8 = Hate

I live on the top floor of a duplex. My downstairs neighbors are a family of four: husband, wife, and two teenage sons. They run a small Christian school and are good and decent people.

But they hate me.

Well, not me in particular, but they hate gay people, or at least that's what the yard sign in front of our building tells me: "Yes on 8. Protect marriage."

This breaks my heart because we've had a very good relationship for the past year or so that I've lived here. We've had interesting discussions about religion, exchanged small gifts over the holidays, and have been there for each other during issues with the building.

But now we're on opposite sides of Proposition 8, the ballot measure that, if passed, will amend the California constitution to take away the right of same sex couples to legally marry.

My neighbors' "Yes on 8" yard sign went up while I was out of town this past week. Now I need to add one more task to the list of ten million things to do on my first day back. I'm going to find the biggest damn "No on 8" sign there is and place it in my front window.

Don't forget, my ancestors survived the original Philistines. We're used to kicking ignorant ass.

Schlepple off to Buffalo

This year I'll be spending Yom Kippur at my childhood temple in Buffalo. I have vivid memories of being in that sanctuary, squirming in my uncomfortable dress (we never wore pants to shul), and reciting the Al Cheyt, the prayer in which we ask G-d's forgiveness for a litany of sins.

Al cheyt shechatanu lefanecha b'ones uv'ratzon - For the sin we have committed against You by (fill in the blank).

At age five or six, it hadn't occurred to me to abuse power, slander someone, or commit many of the other sins on that list. But when my parents looked right at me as they recited the Al Cheyt, I began to truly understand the meaning of Jewish guilt.

So off I schlep to Buffalo, because there's nothing quite like atoning with Mom.

G'mar chatimah tova.

Wrapped in the Tallit of Tikkun Olam

Tikkun olam loosely translates to "repairing the world." Today, during Rosh Hashanah services, I experienced a profound sense of tikkun olam as our rabbi recited his sermon.

Rabbi Martin Lawson of San Diego's Temple Emanu-El is an extraordinary human being. Three years ago I had the pleasure of being part of one of his trips to Israel. Seeing Israel for the first time with someone like Rabbi Lawson makes it impossible not to fall in love with our feisty little Jewish homeland. I can't wait to go back.

But this sermon had nothing to do with Israel or even Judaism. It was about basic human rights. Rabbi Lawson spoke passionately about how Proposition 8 - the ballot measure that, if passed, will amend California's constitution to take away the rights of same-sex couples to legally marry - is a discriminatory measure borne of fear and ignorance.

He pointed out, with thunder in his voice, the importance of equal rights for all people - regardless of sexual orientation.

Temple Emanu-El has maybe a handful of GLBT members, but we're well represented. Our board president is a gay man, and three board members are lesbians. Still, I never expected this issue to be the topic of a Rosh Hashanah sermon.

Needless to say, I was in tears for most of the 30-minute talk.

And when I taste the apples dipped in honey at Rosh Hashanah dinner tonight, I'll savor the added sweetness of tikkun olam.

L'shana Tova Tikatevu

Today begins the Ten Days of Awe, that very thinky time between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur where, as a Jew, I assess the past year and consider ways to improve myself.

To all my Jewish brothers and sisters, have a sweet and happy New Year and an easy fast.

In Search of a Low-Carb Tashlich

Okay, so I've sworn off bread because it's full of Bad Carbs.

But tashlich is all about bread. As the sun sets after Rosh Hashanah, it's traditional for Jews to cast away our sins from the previous year by tossing handfuls of breadcrumbs into a moving body of water.

Of course, considering my stellar track record this year, I could probably get away with tossing just a crouton or two.

Attack of the Angry, Racist Tailors

I'll bet this guy's KKK robe is 100% cotton.

Bill and Jerry's Meshuggeneh Adventure

So a geek, a Heeb, and a cliche of a typical American family walk into a bar...or, even worse, walk into our living rooms.

WTF is Microsoft thinking with these bizarre TV ads starring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld?

But, then again, what do we expect from an operating system that has you press "Start" to shut down your machine.

L'Enfer - C'est Ohio

From a church in Blacklick, Ohio.

Lucky for me, Jews don't have hell; we have Miami.

Bad Grammar - The Smoking Gun

Did Steve Jobs really send Apple customers e-mails discussing upcoming product releases?

Doubting the validity of the messages, a few grammar geeks at Wired and UC Davis did a thorough grammatical analysis and came up with a few telltale errors:

• The incorrect use of "which" vs. "that"
  
• Improper use of independent clauses
  
• Unnecessary commas
  

Not to be outdone, Bill Gates posted this instructional video:

"Windows Vista 2008 Causing PC Problems? Your Not Alone."

Not Just Another QWERTY Face

How cool is this? Artist Jeremy Mayer makes sculptures out of old typewriters.

He admits they're a little creepy, but regardless, his creations are pretty amazing.

And you never have to change the ribbon.

Lost in Translation

I'm addicted to the Travel Channel show Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. I love Bourdain's New York sensibility and sarcastic charm. And he goes to really cool places.

So, I'm watching him traipse through South America, and a promo comes on for the next show, a segment on Colombia. But the graphic on the screen says "Columbia."

This is the frickin' Travel Channel. One would think they could spell the names of the countries they're promoting.

¿Dónde están los redactores?

We've Got Rules that Jingo Jingo Jingo

According to a recent article in the New York Times, the Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA) is instilling a rule that all players must speak conversant English by 2009, or be suspended from the tour.

They claim it's all about the sponsors, but I think it smacks of good old American jingoism.

We already know that the LPGA doesn't acknowledge the presence of their huge lesbian fan base, or the fact that a whole bunch of women golf pros are also cunnilinguists.

Maybe if the LPGA took the nine iron out of its ass and catered more to the dykes on spikes who spend lots of money on the sport, the foreign gals could concentrate on just hitting the ball, er, straight.

Marriage is the New Black

With California's recent legalization of gay marriage, I've attended more than my share of happy homo weddings in the past few weeks.

The ceremonies were all heartfelt and touching. I cried. The brides and grooms cried. We ate very tall cake, danced in our bare feet, drank way too much Champagne, and no straight marriages were harmed in the process.

But marriage isn't for everybody. And it shouldn't become the latest cool, gay accessory.

In the good old days, we all lived in the gay ghetto, spent our nights in discos or drumming circles, and only hetero couples were prodded by friends and family with "So when are you two getting married?"

Now, gay couples can't go to the grocery store without some stranger approaching them to ask about the best wine to pair with lamb, and when they're tying the knot.

A Mighty Fortress is Our Bra

Just another funny bone tickler from the geeky genius at xkcd.

Btw, his title? "Frustration."

The Few, The Proud, The Grammarines

Okay, I know I'm a little obsessed with the difference between "less" and "fewer." I can't help it; I'm a geek. So when I saw this while shopping earlier, I couldn't resist.

Oh, and sorry about the poor photo quality.

I used the camera in my phone and, although it seems to take marvelous pictures of parts of my ear, the inside of my purse, and one (or sometimes both) of my feet, apparently all the fluorescent lighting in the world won't turn me into Diane Arbus.

Grammar Nerds, Rejoice!