Semetic Semantics

Okay, I just have to get this off my chest:

Jewish: Of or relating to the Jews or their culture or religion.

Yiddish: The language historically of Ashkenazic Jews of Central and Eastern Europe, resulting from a fusion of elements derived principally from medieval German dialects and secondarily from Hebrew and Aramaic, various Slavic languages, and Old French and Old Italian.

You see, there's a difference.

So, when someone asks me to "say something in Jewish," I always answer, "bring a little sweater."

Thinking Inside the Box(es)

I'm moving in a few days, and everything I own is in one of these boxes.

Wondering how many of my things will disappear into the Moving Box Vortex never to be seen again.

Let My People Throw

As an avid Red Sox fan, I was thrilled to discover Jews on First, a blog about Jewish professional baseball players.

And I thought the only connection we had to baseball was Sandy Koufax and Hebrew National hotdogs.

Tweetie Pie

Creative writing student and cooking enthusiast Maureen Evans uses Twitter to promote her recipes.

From what I can tell, 140 characters never tasted so good.

I love Twitter, and I find it handy that my tweets feed right into my Facebook status update. It's like filling two birds with one tweet, or something like that.

And Twitter's enforced brevity is like having my high school English teacher watch every keystroke. But there's no extra credit for using really big words.

The Other Four Questions

Why on this night do we have to listen to a really long story before we eat?

Why does gefilte fish look so unappetizing?

Why does my brother find the afikoman year after year?

Why do we do it all over again the very next night?

Next year in Jerusalem.

Patience, Grasshopper

I'm involved in a real estate short sale. This is what it feels like.

Source: xkcd

Variety is the Spice of Life

I guess we Heebs should be satisfied with controlling the media, the entertainment industry, and the world's (dwindling) finances.

So, if we have a little competition in the salt mines, so to speak, we shouldn't be concerned.

Retired barber Joe Godlewski, got tired of seeing TV cooking shows touting kosher salt and came up with a new product, Christian salt.

And that makes me wonder, what would Jesus choose?

Five Towns Barbie

Barbie, Mattel's almost anatomically correct doll who just turned 50, is apparently Jewish.

Who knew?

Six years ago, the Saudi Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, aka their morality police, banned Barbie because they considered her to be a Jewish toy wearing revealing clothes.

So, rail-thin, leggy blonds look like Jewish women to the Saudis. Maybe they should attend a Hadassah meeting with my mother.

A Spoon With a View

I'm really proud of myself when I garnish my cereal with a few raspberries, but AnnaTheRed turns bentos into full-blown pastoral scenes.

With what's currently in my refrigerator, I could probably create something that resembles a New Jersey landfill.

Exasperated by Abuse of the Aspirated H

This sign threw me into a Strunk and White funk. I just hate the use of "an" before an aspirated "h".

(Yeah, I know it's common on the other side of the pond, but those crazy Brits also drive on the wrong side of the road.)

When the "h" is aspirated, or breathed out as you pronounce the word, I think it should be treated as a consonant.

A historic event happened here.

When the "h" is silent, and the word begins with a vowel sound, then the use of "an" makes sense.

Meet me in an hour. After I've calmed down.

New Year's Mikveh

There were actually eight of us who plunged into the 55-degree water today. This group is the original four from last year.

It was chilly, invigorating, and completely insane. And the perfect way to begin the new year.

Chanukah Humpday

It just so happens that the humpday, or 5th night, of Chanukah falls on Christmas Day.

So to celebrate the 25th of December, I'd like to share one of my favorite Chanukah songs, Adam Sandler's "The Chanukah Song."

Whatever and wherever you're celebrating today, have a joyous occasion.

And if you're stranded at O'Hare, the cleanest bathrooms are in Terminal K.

Deck the Halls With Boughs of Challah

Like many Jews, my family had two sets of dishes.

Unlike many Jews, our second set was the Spode Christmas Tree collection.

Apparently, we couldn't see the Haaretz for the trees.

Oy, Caramba!

In case you're wondering what I want for Chanukah, add this to your list: the 1958 Irving Fields Trio album, Bagels and Bongos.

So, who's Irving Fields? Well, he's a 93-year-old pianist and lounge singer and the guy who wrote the YouTube theme song.

I mean, who wouldn't want an album of Jewish-inflected Latin jazz?

A Day Without Naked Lesbians

So this is the photo the San Diego NBC affiliate chose to use on its website as a teaser for the "A Day Without a Gay" story.

According to KNSD, the real story is "A Day Without Post-Coital Naked Lesbians."

From the Dept. of "What If..."

If the California school system added Intro to Gay Marriage into its required curriculum, this is how a quiz might look:

1. Your lesbian aunt and her partner of 25 years are getting married. An appropriate gift would be:

A. A gift certificate to L.L. Bean

B. Baccarat stemware

C. A Hitachi Magic Wand

D. A Subaru


2. Two bears (you should know what bears are by now) are planning their wedding. Choose the most likely main course for the rehearsal dinner:

A. Vegan casserole

B. Wild salmon, Swiss chard

C. Something with foam

D. Double cheeseburgers, fries, and milkshakes from In 'n' Out Burger


3. You arrive at a lesbian wedding and are unsure of where to sit - the bride's side or the other bride's side. To make your decision you:

A. Ask one of the ushers which bride is the top

B. Consider the side with the fewest exes of either bride

C. Avoid the drumming circle

D. Flip a coin

Got Milk?

Saw "Milk" yesterday. Took me back to my baby dyke days when we all wore flannel and had the same haircut.

I'd just moved to San Diego in 1978, and I vividly remember the No on 6 campaign and Milk's assassination. The parallels to what's going on now with Prop 8 are uncanny.

No Carb Left Behind

This year at Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for my health, my families, both bio and chosen, and for all the opportunities I've been given.

I'm also thankful that I won't be anywhere near an airport, shopping mall, grocery store or amusement park between now and Monday.

And, finally, I'm thankful that for the next few days "carb" is not a four-letter word.

Shake 'n Bake

It's not enough that we're in the midst of yet another fire-breathing Santa Ana. Now we get to feel the earth move, too.

What's next? Frogs? Locusts? Boils?

Saturday's March - The Money Shot

Source: San Diego Union Tribune

San Diego had the most participants of any march in California and across the U.S.