The Ties That Bind (or Not)

I had to have a medical procedure done recently that required going from one place to another within the facility while wearing a what amounted to a schmata held together with dental floss.

What was particularly annoying for me was the byzantine way you're supposed to tie the thing to keep from exposing yourself. The gown was a wrap around robe that opened in the front. And you needed a Boy Scout badge in knot-tying to figure how to keep it closed.

There were two tiny strings inside the gown at hip level and two more on the outside.

My options:

• Tie the two inner strings together, except I'd need to have a 15 inch waist.


• Tie the two outer strings together, except I'd need to have a 17 inch waist.


• Tie one outer string to one inner string, except I'd expose most of my ass.

I ended up holding it closed and hoping for good coverage. I think they told me I was fine just to get me dressed.